I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
