I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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