I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
