I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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