last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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