I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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