i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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