my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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