I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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