its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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