I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
