he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
