pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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