If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
