How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
