no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
