Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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