i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm like, not good at living.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is