You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
