went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
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I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.