College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
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i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
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YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know