My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess