Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
