i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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