does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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