Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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