why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
