so that wasnt chicken after all
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
