my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize