There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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