ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
