fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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