Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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