If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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