she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my shit smells like andre
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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