yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There are leaves in my underwear?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
