There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
two words...techno handjob
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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