Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
