Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
