I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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