Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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