god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
