dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
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he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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