ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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