The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
