Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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