Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
