i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
