Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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