No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My ass is underappreciated
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
