He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
