I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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