I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
