Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
