I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
