i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
