I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
