I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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