Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
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Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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