i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
