You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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