they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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