remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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