Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
