Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My penis needs a shock collar
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
