God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
