:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
