i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
