You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
