We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
