WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
