I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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