absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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