I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
