I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
tell me about the eggs
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
