i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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