Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
