Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's never too late to be topless.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
