I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
