weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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