I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
