i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
