Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
