im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
