If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
